Are You In A Love Depression?

June 10, 2010 By Relationship Advice Blog Leave a Comment

Are you in a love depression?  This is where your heart has been broken and you feel low about it.  You may believe that you will never have another romance.  Here’s what to do if you are in a love depression.

First of all, you need to recognize that, however painful, this is a temporary period in your life.  You will get through your love depression.  But, you may need help.

Turn to your friends and family during this tough period in your life.  They will always be there for you.  Don’t be afraid to cry on their shoulders.  One of the ways you will know when you have come out of the love depression is when you yourself are bored with talking about your ex.

But, if your friends and family get tired of hearing about your ex before you are healed, it may behoove you to go into counseling.  A trained therapist can help you work through the break up issues.  By talking to a counselor, you will be able to identify many issues in your life.  Some of these will be about why you and your ex broke up.  Others will help you be a better boyfriend or girlfriend in the future.

Sometimes talk therapy isn’t enough.  When this happens, you need to see a psychiatrist who can put you on anti-depressant medication.  Prozac, Paxil, and other SSRI’s can make a big difference in how you feel about the world.  Don’t be embarrassed to ask for medical help when you need it.

There are other things you can do for yourself when you are in a love depression.  For instance, when you go to the gym to work out, you not only improve your body, you also improve your mood.  Getting your body moving sends chemicals to the brain which elevate your mood.

Pampering yourself can also help you believe that you are a worthwhile person.  Getting a massage can bring a physical relief to your weary body.

Sometimes eating, in moderation, can soothe your soul.  Chocolate, ice cream, and comfort foods all help ease the pain of a break up.  Don’t overdo it and gain too much weight though, because you don’t want to ruin your physique.

Perhaps the best tonic for love depression though, is falling in love with someone new.  Remember that in order to do that, you have to get back in the game.  Don’t believe that you have to be 100 percent ready for a new relationship before you start dating again.  When someone asks you out or strikes your fancy, have coffee with them.  Go to the ballgame with a friend who might be interested in being more.

At some point, you have to get back on the dating scene.  Whether talking to your friends, going into therapy, getting some psychiatric medication, or treating your condition yourself, you need to work out a way to cure your love depression.  The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll feel a lot better.

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Dealing With A Break Up – Love Yourself

June 9, 2010 By Relationship Advice Blog Leave a Comment

When you’re dealing with a break up it’s easy to get mired down in bad feelings. You’ve got a broken heart, you’re angry and you feel completely rejected by someone who claimed to love and care about you. It hurts, and it’s necessary to feel that pain when dealing with a break up. But it’s all too easy to never quite get past it. It’s okay to feel sad, depressed, lonely and even feel sorry for yourself for a while. But don’t let your ex boyfriend or girlfriend ruin your self-confidence and self-esteem.

They did not want to remain in a relationship with you, that’s all it means. It says nothing about  you, it’s all about them. It’s all too easy to start thinking things like you’re not smart, funny, pretty or sexy enough for them, so maybe the fault lies with you. Don’t let yourself think this way!  It’s a big lie! If your ex said any of those things to you in anger, that’s just what it was. They were lashing out in anger and pain to try to hurt you. Don’t let it!

When you’re dealing with a break up there are already so many bad feelings there that adding in feelings of inadequacy will only make you feel worse. And you’ll feel bad for a longer period of time. It can even sabotage your other relationships if you truly start to feel badly about yourself. If you already have low self-confidence or self-esteem, these kinds of feelings will only send you spiraling down into a real mess of emotions. You have to understand that rejection is part of life, and just because one person rejects you it doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy of love and affection from other people.

If you feel at all like you’re unworthy or that inadequacies that you have are why you’re now dealing with a break up, try reading a couple of books about relationships and how to make them work. Read about how to be a more giving part of a couple. Even if you’re not the one at fault, it never hurts to learn more about relationships. You might learn some tips and gain some insight that can help your next relationship.

Next, try reading a book or two about how to gain self-confidence and self-esteem. The things you learn in those books won’t just help your next relationship but they’ll help you in every aspect of your life. If you’re feeling badly about yourself from dealing with a break up, you need to read things like that to build yourself back up and help you get over it. Read motivational books about self-confidence and personal power and really practice the tips they give to help you feel more comfortable with yourself. And if there’s something about yourself that you’re really not happy about, and it’s something that’s bothered you for a long time, then change it.

Dealing with a break up can open doors to all sorts of self-improvement and self-love if only you’ll let it.

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An Insider’s Guide to Computer Dating Services

May 26, 2010 By Relationship Advice Blog Leave a Comment

Computer dating services have been around for decades, even before the Internet came along. Years ago, these electronic matchmakers used extensive profiles compiled in a dating company’s offices. Some included additional features liked videotaped messages or interviews that were shared with interested singles who turned out to be a match.

Looking back, these computer dating services were considered cutting edge technology. Imagine what it seemed like back in the pre-Web days: you filled out a questionnaire and those answers were fed into a computer, which churned away and finally, after much computing time, spit out a list of potential singles who were the best match for you.

It all seemed so mysterious and technical. In fact, most of those computer dating services more than likely used a very simple matching formula. The “computer” behind the matching was the “hook” or the “draw” that brought paying customers through the door. These days, with the average person being exposed to so much more technology, with computers in basically every single household and high-speed internet connections being the norm, these old-style dating services seem antiquated by modern standards.

So what has become of the old school computer dating service? Well, today they’ve become the modern Web-based dating services. These are now the well known (and perhaps not so well known) online sites you’ve seen advertised so frequently. On the surface, these new style computer dating services mirror the old style services, except instead of reporting to the company’s offices for a matching session, you can enter your information from the comfort of your own home. That’s right, go online in your pajamas if you like and fill out the questions online at any hour of the day or night.

Beyond the basics of how computer dating services work, the matching process has also become more sophisticated. While years ago a simple matching process was sufficient, these days customers expect a greater level of matching prowess, ensuring that the people they are matched with are much more compatible than those they would normally meeting in the offline dating world.

While in the “real world” a dating relationship could well start with an introduction from friends. Followed up with a series of phone calls until the two people involved are comfortable with one another. Whereas, the online dating world starts with an electronic introduction between two singles and then, most often, a series of e-mails form the start of the dating relationship.

Many of today’s singles are too young to remember the old style computer dating services, but they’re certainly very familiar with the singles matching services available online. Today you can expect a very good level of sophistication when the modern systems are matching your profile with other available singles, but remember: the introduction is only the beginning. It’s up to you to take your dating relationship where you want to go.

Filed Under Dating, Men, Women

Why Are Older Men Dating Younger Women?

May 20, 2010 By Relationship Advice Blog Leave a Comment

Older men dating younger women are becoming a more popular phenomenon, especially in recent years. When an older significant other is with a younger one, this is commonly referred to as a May December romance, because there is a significant age difference between the woman and the man, or the man and the woman. While it appears much more common for younger men to date older women, older men dating younger women is also becoming a popular phenomenon, even though some will view it to be out of place.

Generally speaking, in situations of older men dating younger women, the younger woman is generally looking for something specific. It is a known fact that women can be attracted to older men for a number of reasons. This does not necessarily mean that an early twenties women will date a man of seventy five, but rather relative to their age, women are more than willing to date men who are a few years older than them, and this is how older men dating younger women comes into play.

In many cases, women are looking for their husband to be. The qualities that women are looking for in their future husbands are the same qualities that men slightly older than them are displaying. Most women are more than willing to admit that they are looking for a strong and confident man. Women are not necessarily looking for young and virile hunter gatherer types, but when it comes to older men dating younger women, the qualities that shine through usually begin with a man’s ability to support a family, or provide for that family on a long term basis. So usually in situations with older men dating younger women, the woman is looking for a man she can settle down with, regardless of whether or not this is what the man is looking for.

The traits that women are looking for in “husband material” are most commonly found in men aged eighteen and older, and as women age, they are still consistently looking for someone older, because it is assumed that older men are more civilized, more mature and more capable of providing for whoever they are with. This is the reason why older men dating younger women is becoming commonplace today. Women are constantly on the lookout for someone older and more mature, and most men seem to have no problem providing most of what these women are looking for, as they get to date younger as a result.

In these situations of older men dating younger women, the men are looking for something completely different, because most do not select younger women as ideal wife material. Still, in these situations, both the man and the woman in the relationship seem to get the traits and characteristics that they need, and if the relationship works and everyone is satisfied, that’s really all there is.

My, if the tables were turned…..

Filed Under Break-Ups, Dating, Divorce, Marriage, Men, Sex, Women Tagged With Rebecca Sniffield, The Marriage Ebook, You Can Get Your

Things To Know Before You Start Dating Young Women

May 6, 2010 By Relationship Advice Blog Leave a Comment

Are you considering dating young women?  What are the things you should consider before going out with a woman who is younger than you?  Are there advantages and disadvantages?  Here are seven rules for dating young women.

1.    Accept when dating younger women that she is from a different “generation’ than you.  Even if she is only ten years younger than you, her life experiences have been different.  The music she listened to as a teenager, the television shows and movies she likes, and even her political world view have been shaped by different experiences.  Her vocabulary may be slightly different (like, she says “like” a lot).  The further apart in age you are, the more pronounced these differences will be.

2.    Accept that she has fewer life experiences than you do.  If sheís in her early 20s and you are in your 40s, sheís just beginning to experience adult life.  She may want to go out partying while you want a night in or a sophisticated evening.  While her electric personality may attract you at first, working out a compromise between her need to go out and your need to stay in will keep you in the relationship for the long haul.

3.    Accept that, in part, your attractiveness to her is based on the idea that you have financial security.  You may feel like you have no money because of debt, alimony, or child support obligations, but she will see that paycheck of yours as big money; compared to her own entry level salary.  She will expect you to provide nice things and experiences for her.  Expect to pick up the check when dating younger women.

4.    She will find your maturity and wisdom sexy.  One of the things she likes about you is that you’re not an overgrown teenager.  Don’t try to act like you are 20.  There are plenty of 20 year old men that she could go out with.  She chose you precisely because you’re not one of those guys.

5.    You can’t be needy.  While it is not good to be needy with a woman of any age, younger women are not likely to put up with your clinginess.  She is going to be wary of why you are not already with a woman your own age, so she’ll be on guard for any sign that you might need her more than she needs you.  When she texts or phones you, don’t feel that you have to respond right away.  By putting her on a short leash, you will actually be able to keep her longer.

6.    Donít be insecure.  Similar to the advice above, you shouldnít feel that she has ìgracedî you with her presence.  Sure, sheís hot.  But, you have a lot of qualities that make you attractive too.  Thatís why sheís going out with you.  Donít be insecure about your relationship when dating young women.  It just puts them off.

7.    Be mature.  She is attracted to a man who is a few years older than herself because she is looking for someone who is stable and more experienced.  Don’t try to act her age.  Be a man of your own age.  Your maturity is a natural draw for her.

And, there you have it.  A real manís guide to dating young women.

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